Movement in Pregnancy

Taking up space, finding stillness, and waddling into the third trimester.

My entire life has been defined by movement. Moving my body in sports during my youth and yoga into adulthood. Moving my body across the country, traversing every state line to find the place that feels most like home (and learning home is not a place). Taking up space. Trying to make myself bigger. Trying to make myself known. Leaving footprints across the continents.

Pregnancy has rearranged my purpose for movement. It has humbled me and commanded me to stillness. It has demanded a slow-down. I have always been accepting of rest, but I have never been acquainted with patience: if we’re only here just once, aren’t we always running out of time?

These intrusive thoughts used to lie in my subconscious begging for answers, like Esther Greenwood’s fig tree sprouting endless possibilities, but they have suddenly vanished within the last several months. POOF! I don’t know where they went. I don’t know when they exited. I don’t know why they were so prevalent in the first place. I feel lighter. I feel weightless. I have no explanation and no need to explain.

I have a belly shaped like a full moon. I am taking up space. I am existing as a dual person carrying double everything. There is another person inside of my person. Every new shape is hers. I don’t want my old body back. I want to keep this one forever. Because it does not have any pressure to be anywhere or do anything other than exactly what it needs to do right now.

Photo by Alexandrae Photo

---

Finding movement in pregnancy has felt like a radical exploration of my inner self and it has been a magical part of the process.

First Trimester Movement (October 2023 to December 2023)

In my first trimester, I couldn’t move at all. My form of movement was the absence of movement. It was compounded by debilitating nausea and the inability to eat anything. I couldn’t move even if I tried because I had nothing to fuel my body.

I think this was my body’s way of telling me to accustom myself to stillness. Like it knew I would try to move more than I should, so it stopped me from doing so. It stopped my food intake so I would have no energy to do anything except sleep, read, and internally transform. It stopped my desire to stand by spinning my world out of control and slamming my face headfirst into the toilet bowl morning, afternoon, and night. Looking back, I could have done without the misery, but I absolutely needed those three months to process everything that was changing in my life. Maybe I needed to be miserable to force myself to actually stop moving.

I succumbed to my bed because I had no choice. There was nothing for me to “fight through.” There was no “sucking it up.” There was no “I feel terrible but I can still make it to a workout/errand/outing.” No. I physically could not move. Despite the horror of it all, I think it was indeed what I needed.

I ultimately regrouped during my first trimester from a chaotic 2023 full of the highest highs and lowest lows. I completely revitalized my business so that my future would not have to carry weight it did not have the strength to hold. I wrote a lot. I immersed myself in romantasy books and let my imagination wander into Prythian and Basgiath to remind myself that not everything needs to be so damn serious.

I stilled and I stilled and I stilled.

Second Trimester Movement (January 2024 to March 2024)

My second trimester has indeed been a Golden Era. My energy was replenished and came roaring back in glittery song and turned me into someone new. I started Mother Love Letters. I finished two poetry book manuscripts. I somehow completed my business to-do list for the first time in four years. I invested in a meal subscription service so I could properly feed my body and baby every night and stop wasting food (I love you, Blue Apron). My husband and I prepped for Joni’s nursery in case I ran out of steam in later months as birth neared. We registered for labor preparation and newborn classes. Our loved ones covered us in cozy love and reignited my fire after a cold and still winter. We feel ready to become parents. I feel ready to become a mother.

I seized on this fortuitous surge of energy because I have learned I may not be guaranteed another and I have no control over when or if it will burn out.

Every body is different, and how I moved in my second trimester is completely different than how someone else may be able to move in theirs. This is not a time for “If I can do it, so can you” or “You make time for what you prioritize, and there is always time for a workout.” I cringe at the fitness influencer accounts who still sneak through my social media feed telling me how to move in pregnancy while selling their own routines as if we all come in the same shapes and sizes. I recoil at comments from others who tell me that “[Insert person I barely know] was doing burpees up until birth! It’s possible! Isn’t that impressive?” Good for her - I don’t care. And neither does my doctor.

The best prep for my body is the kind my body tells me is necessary.

In my second trimester, I managed to make it to some of my CrossFit classes with a lot modifications. I only attended once or twice a week, and recently haven’t been going at all. When I do, I move extremely slow. I take a lot of breaks. I hardly look like I’m doing the same workout as everyone else. I go to retain my strength because it makes me feel powerful, even at my own pace. I want to be able to pickup my daughter and all of her toys and crawl around on the floor like a cheetah, so I continue to squat and deadlift. I want to be able to hold my daughter up to the sky like Simba above my shoulders, so I continue to press. I continue to lightly jog because it’s the only movement that relieves the unbearable pressure near my coccyx. I do these things because my body still allows me to. When it tells me to stop, I will listen - this is not the time to push.

I’m starting to do more yoga at night again. I don’t try to flip upside down or flow every breath-to-movement; I lay on my mat and let my ligaments extend where they please. I don’t move for aesthetics. I don’t care what I look like. I move for me.

I recently learned that pregnancy is equivalent to running an ultramarathon for 40 weeks. I don’t get a gold star for doing more than this. I do what I need to do, and leave out all the rest. Because my baby loves me no matter what and it’s not a competition.

Third Trimester Movement (April 2024 to Baby’s Arrival)

Enter, The Waddle and the Grunt - my new favorite bodily movement and vocal expression! My third trimester is upon me and it is indeed difficult to even roll over in bed. I feel like an egg. I laugh every time I try to get up, which then makes getting up even harder. The floor? Never heard of her. Shoelaces? Never heard of those either.

I make sounds of exertion I don’t even realize I’m making. Those groans you used to hear coming from your mom when you were a child? I do those now. We’re not embarrassing. We’re just wiped.

My tailbone pops every night. My pelvic floor feels like it’s splitting open and so I’m super excited to start pelvic floor physical therapy soon. I’m still eating everything in sight. I’m gaining two pounds every week. Needless to say, my body is reverting back to resting-nesting mode in preparation for labor and delivery in just a few short months. This is unreal.

I’m not sure how much more movement my body will want to take these next few months. For now, I will harness energy when I can and nap when I can’t.

---

I am slowing down again while time feels like it’s flying by. I believe this is nature’s way of reminding me to be present during pregnancy when everything is so very temporary. To accept the waves that roll up and wash over me. To move and still and move and still. To rest and sleep and flow.

It is April and it is my favorite Spring season and it is time to burrow and ground and prepare for this little child that started as a seed in the darkness and is starting to bloom with the light.

Xo,

Violet Carol